The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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