he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
