There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
