theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
