Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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