so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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