i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
