So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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