i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
