Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
