On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hippo gnu deer
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
