There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
