I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
