Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
