at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
