when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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