Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
