i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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