I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my being single is dangerous.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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