That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
