She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
