There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
