Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
