im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
