and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
