Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
