she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
