is your mom at the bar?
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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