I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I FOUND THE LEGS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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