when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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