Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize