If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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