I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
