would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
