My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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