when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
...so i touched it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
