if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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