i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
