You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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