I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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