It's Friday. Sex?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
