just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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