He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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