I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
