just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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