turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
