I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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