There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
