No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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