i jhust puked up my retainher.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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