I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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