two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
