i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
