My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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