i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize