I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
