Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
