I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
