the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
