On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
