Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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