Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
