One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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