i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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