I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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